then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
