John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize