just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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