like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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