pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
