but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
