I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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