pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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