worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize