so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Randomize
