and i looked up. we had an audience...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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