I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
