260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
