Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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