Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
