He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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