a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
