Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
