she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
