I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
