She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
