Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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