I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
