i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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