I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
