I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize