I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
