A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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