I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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