so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he wants to bone in the snuggie
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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