omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
