the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
