I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
