i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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