If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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