So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Come share oat with me in your robe
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
