pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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