Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Welp...herpes.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
