I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
