you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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