The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
tell me about the fingering
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