I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
