Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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