I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
