I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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