Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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