every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
