nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
