This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
