Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
