So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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