Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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