my being single is dangerous.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
