So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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