If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
