when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
