You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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