There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
