i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I yelled at your uterus for you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
