I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
foreskin is a definite game changer
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize