Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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