You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
