I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
