My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
