I can tuck mytits in my pants
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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