Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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