if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
