Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
