therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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