My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize