how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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