you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
