i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
