We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
