Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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