If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I touched a dick in church today
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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