I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
