shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
