Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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