Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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