dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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