Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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