You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I need to align my fucking chakras
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize